2002.09.01改變思考的觀點，用愛心處理人際關係－從愛心出發

博愛眾生

編號：753
日期：2002.09.01, 07
地點：美國印第安那小中心
奧地利維也納小中心
性質：視訊會議
用語：英文

字幕：悠樂、保加利亞、中文正體、中文簡體、荷蘭、英、法、印尼、德、日本、韓、馬來西亞、葡萄牙、西班牙、泰(15種)

問：最近我和同事接了一個案子，可是那位客戶要求特別多，有時甚至到了不講理的地步；我們不但要花很多時間工作，有時即使不是我們的錯，他也把帳算在我們頭上。

起先我和同事都很生氣，惡言惡語地批評他，和他對立，結果氣氛搞得很不好，所以後來我們就試著去了解他特別要求的原因，也試著讓他理解我們的立場。

不過，這件事仍讓我耿耿於懷，覺得自己就是不喜歡他。所以我想知道，是不是透過靈修，我們就能以愛心待人，儘管那些人對我們很惡劣？

答：我了解。那只是你的頭腦對那個特殊情況所做的反應，並非你心裡不愛他。頭腦並不等同於心靈，因為你習慣使用頭腦，所以面對人際關係時，也用頭腦在處理。頭腦講求的是「以眼還眼，以牙還牙」，心靈則不一樣。你並非沒有愛心，只不過你還是用頭腦在處理，下次試著用你的心來處理看看。

那個客戶也有他自己的問題，只是你不知道而已。也許他的太太正跟他鬧離婚，或者有外遇，所以他就把問題發洩在你身上。他找你們的時候，你們正好忙得不可開交，而他也不明瞭你們的辛勞、專注和努力，而將所有情緒發洩在你們身上，因為他也受夠了。他心情也很沮喪，有可能他的上司、妻子、兒女也給他壓力。這個世界讓每個人都背負壓力，結果使我們也相互施壓，問題出在這裡。

或許在打坐時，你可以試著傳送愛心給他，祝福他：「願你事事順利，很快變得更開悟，這樣就不用再忍受這些挫折和憤怒。」然後打坐。要試著體諒他，他也有自己的困難。

我的鄰居也常無緣無故找我麻煩。事實上，我一個人的時候，並不會跟鄰居或任何人有糾紛。只是有時我需要徒弟幫忙工作，因為不可能每件事情都我自己來。如果不是為了你們、為了全世界工作，我根本不需要任何人。因為我要工作，有時就需要別人來幫忙，結果因為徒弟和鄰居之間的業障關係，使大家發生衝突，有時甚至是為了一點芝麻小事。

不過我總是儘量體諒鄰居的觀點，了解那不是他的錯，而是那些來我房子工作的侍者、工作人員或幫手的問題。有時他們會招來那種業障，因為剛好發生在我的房子、我的地方，所以我也被捲入其中。所以我從不責怪對方，因為我看到問題的根本，我甚至會告訴某些侍者說：「你看！這是你的錯。都是因為你爭強好鬥的業障，才引來鄰居爭強好鬥的業障，引起這樣的反應。所以別跟他生氣，也不要心存怨怒，因為那會給自己造更多的業障，吸引更多好鬥的能量，這樣惡性循環下去，就真的沒完沒了啦。」

這不僅僅是表面上、心理上、口頭上的爭吵而已，而是根源於某些業障，只是有時我們無法看清楚。當然，以這個世界的道理來說，那位客戶、老闆或任何人，他們也是人，也有自己的問題，有時候他心情不好，所以誰剛好在身邊，他就把氣發在誰身上。

所以要原諒他，儘量別爭吵，要保持沉默、禱告、念佛號，這樣就好。有時候他只是在發洩而已，事後他也會覺得自己很愚蠢。如果你不回嘴、不反應，也許他反而會覺得不好意思，回頭向你道歉。

試試看，改變自己的觀點，工作壓力會大一點是沒錯，但儘量改變自己思考的觀點，而不是想要換工作或改變他人。試試看！有時候我們跟某個人的因緣好，有時候不好，很難說。我們只能儘量調適到彼此適應為止。

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Use Your Heart and Change Your Perspective in Dealing with Others

Spoken by Supreme Master Ching Hai, Videoconference with initiates
from the Midwest Centers, USA, September 1, 2002
(Originally in English) Videotape #753

Q: My colleagues and I recently worked on a project where the client was very demanding and sometimes even unreasonable, making us work long hours and sometimes blaming us for mistakes even though it wasn’t our fault.

So, at first we became angry, talked badly about him and were very confrontational, but it created a very negative atmosphere. So we tried to talk and understand why he made certain demands and also tried to help him understand us.

But in my heart I still had a very uneasy feeling about work and felt I didn’t like him. So I want to know whether through our spiritual practice we can treat people with love even though we’re treated badly by them.

M: I understand. It’s just your brain that reacted to that special circumstance. It’s not that your heart didn’t love him. Your heart is different than your brain. You use your brain a lot so when you deal with people you also use the brain. The brain says, “An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth,” but the heart is different. You do have love; it’s just that you use the brain. Try to use your heart the next time.

He also has his problems, which you don’t understand. His wife may be divorcing him or having an affair with someone else and he comes and takes it out on you. You’re working like mad there, and then here he comes and doesn’t know anything about your labor, about your concentration, about your efforts. He’s just pouring everything on you because he’s also stuffed. He’s depressed and he also may have pressure from his higher boss or maybe his wife or children. The world always puts pressure on everyone and in turn we pressure each other, and that’s the problem.

So maybe in meditation, you can try to send love to him. Tell him, “I wish you all the best and that you’ll become more enlightened soon so that you don’t have to endure all this frustration and anger.” And then meditate and try to understand that he also has problems.

My neighbors also give me problems for nothing all the time. Actually, when I live alone, I don’t have any problems with neighbors or anyone. But sometimes I need to have other disciples around to help me with work because I can’t always do everything by myself. If I’m not working for you guys or for the whole world, I don’t need anyone. But because I’m working, I sometimes need physical help. And then, because of their karma interacting with the neighbor’s karma we have conflicts, sometimes over very small things.

But I always try to understand the neighbor’s point of view and also understand that it’s not his fault. It’s the fault of my attendants or workers or helpers, whoever comes to work in my house. Sometimes they attract this kind of karma to themselves and because it’s my house, my place, I’m in the middle of it. So I never blame the other party. I see into the root of the problem and even tell some of my assistants, “Look, it’s your fault. It’s your combative karma that attracts his combative karma or this kind of reaction from the neighbor. So don’t get angry with him or feel angry inside because from that you create more karma for yourself. And in turn, like a cycle, you’ll attract more of this combative kind of energy and we’ll never be finished with it.”

It’s not just physical. It’s not just mental. It’s not just a verbal argument. It’s the karmic root from somewhere that we sometimes don’t have the ability to see through. And also of course, physically speaking or simply logically speaking, he himself, the boss or whoever, is also human. He has his own problems and sometimes he’s in a bad mood so whatever’s nearby, he just throws at it.

So forgive him and maybe don’t argue with him. Just keep quiet; pray and recite the Holy Names instead. Sometimes he just lets out his air and then later he feels foolish. Because if you don’t answer and don’t react maybe he’ll feel bad and come and apologize.

Try to change your perspective. That adds to the pressure of work for sure. Try to change your perspective of thinking instead of changing the job or changing the person. Try. But you never know: Sometimes we have better karma with someone and sometimes we don’t. We just have to try until it fits.